Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
