I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my shit smells like andre
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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