If i could tip my vagina, i would.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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