probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
