your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
