dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
