I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
