And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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