he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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