It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
