I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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