I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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