Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
