i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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