I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will be naked everywhere
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
