Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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