She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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