fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
