So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We have started to decorate penises.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
