after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
