Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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