My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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