there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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