Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
