Apparently you make a good broom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
