Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
