Sry I called you an 8
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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