Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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