Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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