then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Everything about him screamed your future.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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