Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
