ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
