I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
