i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
