Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
