Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
