Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
pop tarts are not kleenex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
