i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
