my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
