Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
