brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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