Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
