i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
