True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
