Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
