I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
