wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
