can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
