I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
