we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
