life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
