My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
