So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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