Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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