I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
