I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
