I think i peed on brittanys purse
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
