i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
