I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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