Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
