my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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