just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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