so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
